Mid-July post

I feel a sudden loss of direction, not in a bad way, though. I have two weeks of relative freedom ahead of me, and the sense of no stress, no dead-lines, no pressure is almost too much to bare. Just went on retreat for a couple of days. It's confirmed, I'm somewhat and somehow programmed and uncapable of connecting with the mitras. Except for one or two, of course. The main reason behind it, I gather, is my unaccessibility, both personal and factual. There's four Dharmacharis who will have a more active role with the GFR Mitra Sangha, but not me. I see two very stressful years ahead of me. In August I'm starting my Masters' at the UNAM: three seminars, lots of research, lots of reading, lots of writing, very little time for distractions. Plus I have my 10-3 work and my various others means to get some $. I'm sorry mitras, I won't be there for you. Can barely breath with the input I already have. Next week I'm off to Linares, Northern Mexico, to give a talk on Goya, should be fun. I'll spend the weekend working on the talk. And I seriously have to start thinking on my dissertation, which I have to defend in exactly two years, and time flies mercilessly. Better go now. I feel "pressured" to go to sleep.

Esdeveniments passats, bons records d'avui

Fa mooolt, al desembre per ser precisos, la coral de l'Orfeó Català de Mèxic va cantar un gran concert a la Sala Nezahualcóyotl de la nostra capital mexicana. Va ser un gran èxit, i en tinc records molt bonics. I aquestes fotetes, que ara penjo com a testimoni d'aquella agradable experiència.


Nervioses, però contentes, les cantaires es van esforçar per veure's més que maques.

La Sala Neza, que n'és, de bonica, d'imponent, gairebé perfecta. Una escenari inigualable.

Llibertat, gairebé

Us recordeu dels meus melodrames de fa un mes? Doncs bueno, he arribat a resoldre'ls tots. N'estic orgullós. He vist de què estic fet, i m'ha agradat força el que he vist. A més a més m'han acceptat a la maestría i això també és una ocasió per estar content. Han estat trenta dies de tensió, de males vibres, de coses de veritat molt dolentes, però prou. I sabeu, n'he après una cosa molt important. En primer lloc, que definitivament he d'enllestir tots els cecles que he començat, ja què es converteixen en veritables lastres sobre hom. També, finalment me n'he adonat, que només puc comprometre'm amb dues coses alhora, i no més. Des d'ara no més preocupacions per coses que no valen la pena, i que a més em porten a la confusió i a malsons. Dues coses al mateix temps i ja. Aleshores, la meva prioritat serà fer la meva feina de la millor manera que pugui, i després dur a terme els seminaris de la maestría tant bé com calgui. De patinments innecessaris, n'he tingut prou. Ara a gaudir la meva nova trobada llibertat i a veure si puc fer la festeta que volia organitzar-me a mi mateix.

Budisme en català

Al Vilaweb ha sortit un mini-site dedicat al budisme, i està molt bé.

http://www.vilaweb.cat/www/diariescola/noticia?id=2457959

Doubts

Will I get the money I need in time to pay it?
Will I pass the postgraduate admission exam?
Will my thesis be approved at all?


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As always, I'm sitting here, doing nothing at Starbucks when perhaps I should rather be doing something productive. In order to not think of myself I keep doing all sorts of supposedly fun stuff, while at the same time I'm looking at the healthy-looking people with a bit of craving and frank envy. I'm allowing my mind to trip and to go to all the places I know lead me to heartache and confusion. I'm not being too Arya or any -prabha at the moment.


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But you know, it's all my fault. I'm paying the consequences of my biggest flaw: inconsistency. It takes me forever to finish whatever it is that I'm doing. It becomes a psychological battle for me to complete my cycles, and just about everything. Then, my mindset is oriented towards improving my CV, but I don't complete for ages any of the undertakings I commit to, and I'm paying for it, big time. I'm seeing my contemporaries advance well because of their focus, while I'm still just thinking about doing it. If it all goes to hell, I should be the least surprised about it.

Expo Fernando Pacheco

Ishq Kameena!

Si tingués el temps, m'apreneria tota la coreo. Ishq kameena, ishq kameena!