It's become crystal-clear to me that the only proyect I really care about is my own. And the side-proyects I'm interested in are helping my mother and sister to get on with their lives, and that's pretty much it. All the rest takes a back seat. Mexico is becoming your average study case for a failed state. The country's financial, institutional even moral structures all seem to be falling apart, perhaps not suddenly or loudly, but one by one, little by little. While in Canada many things became somewhat more obvious to me, first, how I long to experience life in another country, in a more lawful place, I may be too romantic, but I'm tired of Mexican cynicism, of utter chaos and disorganisation. I also realized how in many ways I've been limited by my insecurities, by my lack of will and determination, by being willingly lethargic. I want out. And no, I don't feel specially attached to, or feel a great deal of loyalty or responsibility to any of the institutions I'm currently involved with in Mexico. A fellow Order member asked me whether I'd do fine without the "spiritual support" of said group, and yes, I'll be fine. The Order doesn't have any significant effecto on me while in Mexico, so my spiritual practice depends on my will and the quality of my mental states. Thereby I don't think it'll be too different if I go abroad....
diumenge, de setembre 21, 2008
divendres, de setembre 12, 2008
I've been here for a week now. I've quite enjoyed it, can't complain. My friend Luis has been a great host and has made my stay relatively easy. I never thought I'd have such a strong reaction to the French language, though! It's been a decade since I last tried to speak it and it doesn't come natural at all. But language problems aside, it's been a really good experience being here.