How Do You Live your Life?

How You Life Your Life

You seem to be straight forward, but you keep a lot inside.You say whatever is on your mind. Other people's reactions don't phase you.You tend to have one best friend you hang with, as opposed to many aquaintences.You tend to dream big, but you worry that your dreams aren't attainable.

How Do You Live Your Life?

God quizzing

This circulated a few years ago, I still find it very amusing :-)

God would like to thank you for your belief and patronage.
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In order to better serve your needs, [S]He asks that you take a few moments to answer the following questions.
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1. How did you find out about your deity?
__ Newspaper
__ Bible
__ Torah
__ Television
__ Book of Mormon
__ Divine Inspiration
__ Dead Sea Scrolls
__ My Mama Told Me
__ Near Death Experience
__ Near Life Experience
__ National Public Radio
__ Tabloid
__ Burning Shrubbery
Other (specify): _____________
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2. Which model deity did you acquire?
__ Jehovah
__ Jesus
__ Allah
__ Krishna
__ Buddha
__ Father, Son, & Holy Ghost [Trinity Pak]
__ Brahma, Vishnu, & Siva [Trimurti Pak]
__ Mawu/Olorun & Obatala [Vodun Loa Pak]
__ Zeus and entourage [Olympus Pak]
__ Odin and entourage [Valhalla Pak]
__ Satan
__ Gaia/Mother Earth/Mother Nature
__ God 1.0a (Hairy Thunderer)
__ God 1.0b (Cosmic Muffin)
__ None of the above, I was taken in by a false god
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3. Did your God come to you undamaged, with all parts in good workingorder and with no obvious breakage or missing attributes?
__ Yes
__ No
If no, please describe the problems you initially encountered here.Please indicate all that apply:
__ Not eternal
__ Finite in space/Does not occupy or inhabit the entire cosmos
__ Not omniscient
__ Not omnipotent
__ Not infinitely plastic (incapable of being all things to all creations)
__ Permits sex outside of marriage
__ Prohibits sex outside of marriage
__ Makes mistakes
__ Makes or permits bad things to happen to good people
__ Makes or permits good things to happen to bad people
__ Looks after life other than that on Earth
__ When beseeched, doesn't stay beseeched
__ Requires burnt offerings
__ Requires virgin sacrifices
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4. What factors were relevant in your decision to acquire a deity?Please check all that apply.
__ Indoctrinated by parents
__ Needed a reason to live
__ Indoctrinated by society
__ Needed focus in whom to despise
__ Needed focus in whom to love
__ Imaginary friend grew up
__ Hate to think for myself
__ Wanted to meet girls/boys in church
__ Fear of death
__ Wanted to piss off parents
__ Wanted to please parents
__ Needed a day away from school or work
__ Desperate need for certainty
__ Like organ music
__ Need to feel morally superior
__ Thought Jerry Falwell was cool
__ Thought there had to be something other than Jerry Falwell
__ Sh_t was falling out of the sky
__ My shrubbery caught fire and told me to do it
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5. Have you ever worshipped a deity before? If so, which false godwere you fooled by? Please check all that apply.
__ Baal
__ The Almighty Dollar
__ Left Wing Liberalism
__ The Radical Right
__ Amon Ra
__ Beelzebub
__ Bill Gates
__ Barney The Big Purple Dinosaur
__ The Great Spirit
__ The Great Pumpkin
__ The Sun
__ The Moon
__ The Force
__ Cindy Crawford
__ Elvis
__ A burning shrub
__ Psychiatry
__ Other: ________________
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6. Are you currently using any other source of inspiration in additionto God? Please check all that apply.
__ Tarot
__ Lottery
__ Astrology
__ Television
__ Fortune cookies
__ Ann Landers
__ Psychic Friends Network
__ Dianetics
__ Kabbalah
__ Palmistry
__ Playboy and/or Playgirl
__ Self-help books
__ Sex, drugs, and rock & roll
__ Biorhythms
__ Alcohol
__ Marijuana
__ Bill Clinton
__ Tea Leaves
__ EST
__ Amway
__ CompuServe
__ Mantras
__ Jimmy Swaggert
__ Crystals
__ Human sacrifice
__ Pyramids
__ Wandering around a desert
__ Insurance policies
__ Burning shrubbery
__ Barney T.B.P.D.
__ Barney Fife
__ Other:_____________________
__ None
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7. God reputedly employs a limited degree of Divine Intervention to preserve a balanced level of felt presence and blind faith. Which wouldyou prefer? Circle one below:
a. More Divine Intervention
b. Less Divine Intervention
c. Current level of Divine Intervention is just right
d. Don't know.
e. What's Divine Intervention?
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8. God also reputedly attempts to maintain a balanced level of disasters and miracles. Please rate on a scale of 1 - 5 your opinion of thehandling of the following (1 = unsatisfactory, 5 = excellent):
a. Disasters:1 2 3 4 5
flood1 2 3 4 5
famine1 2 3 4 5
earthquake1 2 3 4 5
war & holocausts1 2 3 4 5
pestilence1 2 3 4 5
plague1 2 3 4 5
Spam1 2 3 4 5
AOL
b. Miracles:1 2 3 4 5
rescues1 2 3 4 5
spontaneous remissions1 2 3 4 5
stars hovering over tiny town & previously unknown hamlets1 2 3 4 5
crying statues1 2 3 4 5
water changing to wine1 2 3 4 5
walking on water1 2 3 4 5 c
oincidence of any sort1 2 3 4 5
getting any sex whatsoever
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9. From time to time God reputedly makes available the names and addresses of His followers and devotees to selected reputedly divine personages who provide quality services and perform intercessions in His behalf. Are you interested in a compilation of listed offerings?
__ Yes, please deluge me with religious zealots for the benefit of myown mortal soul
__ No, I do not wish to be inundated by religious fanatics clamouringfor my money
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10. Do you have any additional comments or suggestions for improving the quality of God's services?(Attach an additional sheet if necessary)

Amen-

Cute Animal Quiz

You Are A: Kitten!

Cute as can be, kittens are playful, mischevious, and ever-curious. Like you, kittens hate getting wet. Kittens are often loving, but are known to scratch or bite when annoyed. These adorable animals are the most popular pets in the United States--37% of American households have at least one cat. Whether it is your gentle purr or your disarming appearance, you make a wonderful kitten.

You were almost a: Bear Cub or a Turtle
You are least like a: Monkey or a SquirrelWhat Cute Animal Are You?

Dating trouble...

Dating Strengths	Dating Weaknesses
1. Intelligence - 71.4% 2. Spirituality - 69.2% 3. Financial Situation - 61.5% 4. Sense of Humor - 57.1% 5. Open-Mindedness - 54.5%	1. Appearance - 88.9% 2. Shyness - 70.8% 3. Insecurity - 53.8% 4. Lack of Essentials - 50% 5. Temper - 25%

Dating Strengths Explained
Intelligence - Your sharp intellect is a valuable asset. Use your intelligence wisely; avoid condescension. Quiet, confident intelligence is very attractive. Spirituality - Your spiritual side brings you peace and balance, and keeps you grounded. This is attractive, as you can help reinforce this quality in other people. Financial Situation - You've got your financial situation under control, which is a very desirable quality. Be careful to avoid men who are only interested in your money. Sense of Humor - Men are attracted to people with a good sense of humor. Be sure to put yours on display! Open-Mindedness - You are open to trying new things and entertaining new ideas, and this widens your pool of available men.
Dating Weaknesses Explained
Appearance - Devoting a greater effort at making good first impressions is a must. Try to be fit and develop a style if you want to catch a man's attention. Shyness - You know all too well the limits shyness places on you. Putting yourself out there in social situations may be difficult, but essential to your dating success. Insecurity - Your insecurity makes you doubt yourself, but you must learn to love and trust yourself if you want to succeed in dating. Lack of Essentials - Dating is difficult for you because you lack certain key things, which may include private space, a car, money, or a nice wardrobe. Work toward obtaining these essentials! Temper - You need to work on controlling your temper. Don't let your anger get the best of you. A calm and rational persona is important when dating.
What Are Your Dating Strengths and Weaknesses?

Your Life, Rated

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	5.2
Mind:	5.8
Body:	2.9
Spirit:	5.4
Friends/Family:	4.4
Love:	0
Finance:	6.1
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

Crossroads

Sunday night. I'm surfing the web looking for a couple of historians and for some reason I end up at the tribute website for the deceased employees of the Cantor Fitzgerald firm in New York, who happened to die at the September 11 attacks. First a bit nonchanlant about the thing I start to read, and read a bit more. So much pain. So much hope for them to be in a good place. The web gives us the opportunity to mourn electronically, to express our feelings and perhaps to help us purge them a bit. I read for about 30 minutes, then I stop, it's beginning to be too much. I invent a prayer to the skies, sing mentally the mantra of Vajrasattva, I do genuinely hope these people, who died horrible deaths, are indeed in a better place.

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Today I felt old, worn out, but yet looking forward to tomorrow. I have all these big ideas: I keep thinking I should move to the "power places" to the A-Countries where the big decisions are being made, where, specifically in my field, the big news are happening. Only my pal Paulo and my grandfather seem to fully understand what I'm saying. We have great art historians in Mexico, interesting, thought-provoking people who are truly showing us what it means to be a historian, yet, with all due respect, where are they internationally speaking? who is writing theses under their methodologies? Perhaps south in Latin America there might be a person or two, and that's it. Our great Art Historians are non-factors in the larger scheme of things. Sad but true. My at times voraciously ambitious self tells me to go with the wind. To be not the same, yet, will I ever be able to scape the conditioning of where I'm from? Will I have the courage, will and resiliance to carry on with my Academic plans? Am I good enough at all? These questions come to me at night and haunt me throughout the day. The US, UK or so could very well mean the upgrading of my employability, which I should say, is definetely one of my goals. At least to be a A-lister in this Third World Land. We shall wait and see.

What Kind of Seducer Are You?

Your Seduction Style: Au Natural

You rank up there with your seduction skills, though you might not know it.That's because you're a natural at seduction. You don't realize your power!The root of your natural seduction power: your innocence and optimism.
You're the type of person who happily plays around and creates a unique little world.Little do you know that your personal paradise is so appealing that it sucks people in.You find joy in everything - so is it any surprise that people find joy in you?
You bring back the inner child in everyone you meet with your sincere and spontaneous ways.Your childlike (but not childish) behavior also inspires others to care for you.As a result, those who you befriend and date tend to be incredibly loyal to you.

What Kind of Seducer Are You?