Ghosts do come back to haunt you

A couple of years ago I let go of a person I had thought of as a friend. Actually, I think I wasn't that important to that particular individual. I actually think I had idealised him on the basis of the following: I thought he was a sensitive, intelligent, focused and bright, pretty much the kind of people I try to be around to. Most importantly, I projected in him kind of the type of man I so much would have tried to be: masculine, self-confident, but in no way aggressive, but rather naturally manly. This friend of mine was also quietly charismatic, and handsome, attractive, athletic. He also had manifested an interest in my crazy world, and of course I found that flattering. Well, we had an odd fall-out in 2005, in Barcelona (although we didn't actually got to see each other) and I, in the midst of the recentment caused by it, declared him pretty much dead. I'm very good at letting go of people or things from the recent past. I quickly rationalised it, I considered him an inferior being who dared to offend Almighty Marc and that was it. Well, just an hour ago, as I was wasting my time at, where else, Starbucks', sensed a man approaching, and a shout, Marc! There he was, L. He even asked if I remembered him! Well, duh, of course. In a minute I remembered how much pedantic assertive Marc had idealised this rather short man, and how I had sent him to my black list. He was very charming, and did a bit of a quick catching-up. I had no time to show any recentment or even a cold or aloof attitude, there he was, being very polite and asking about stuff. Then I got one in the eye. He said, I'd love to see you and have dinner with you sometime. In fact, he said, since you're online why don't you send me an email with your info. Pedantic assertive, now Aryaprabha, acquiesed and did as suggested. He smiled and said that he would be looking forward to it, and left. In five minutes it was proved to me that I may be not as determined about my choices as I would like to think. Or maybe I still have a soft spot for people I admired in the past, and more interestingly, I may not be as hard-hearted as I sometimes think I am. I'm sitting here and really, and if he calls, I don't think I'd have a problem with it..... I just turned to see where he is sitting. Yes, I have to admit it, I still yearn to be that kind of man he seems to be, or rather, the image I'm constructing about him through speech and prejudice. I'm actually, at this time, becoming too self-aware of my suppossed short-comings, and specially, about my physical appearance, which I so tend to loathe. Shit, Aryaprabha, relax!