Doubts

Will I get the money I need in time to pay it?
Will I pass the postgraduate admission exam?
Will my thesis be approved at all?


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As always, I'm sitting here, doing nothing at Starbucks when perhaps I should rather be doing something productive. In order to not think of myself I keep doing all sorts of supposedly fun stuff, while at the same time I'm looking at the healthy-looking people with a bit of craving and frank envy. I'm allowing my mind to trip and to go to all the places I know lead me to heartache and confusion. I'm not being too Arya or any -prabha at the moment.


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But you know, it's all my fault. I'm paying the consequences of my biggest flaw: inconsistency. It takes me forever to finish whatever it is that I'm doing. It becomes a psychological battle for me to complete my cycles, and just about everything. Then, my mindset is oriented towards improving my CV, but I don't complete for ages any of the undertakings I commit to, and I'm paying for it, big time. I'm seeing my contemporaries advance well because of their focus, while I'm still just thinking about doing it. If it all goes to hell, I should be the least surprised about it.