Three months of work lost in 15'

My lusting for Francesc started a couple of years ago when I became a regular of that lovely tea house where he used to work. I have to say it began pretty much as a game to tease whatever friend I took there. I guess when one invents a story at some point one starts to believe it true, thereby after some time I felt a deep kinda lust for Francesc. All I knew was that he was a waiter. I developed a fetish-like taste for his very thin body, very nice smile and gentle manners. It's not like he's cute or anything, not at all, in fact I'd say he's quite average. Perhaps the turning point came when I saw him (twice, by the way) making-out with this girl at the tea house. It was hot, almost immoral, actually, and would have made anybody into a voyerist. It became clear that he's str8 and that should have ended my useless fantasizing about him. But I chose not to anyway. At some point it became a bit of a problem, taking that into consideration I decided that I should get over him and take my lusting elsewhere where it would be, ehem, more appreciated so to speak. I thought it had worked until a couple of days ago where I saw him taking part in the same artsy fartsy symposium I was attending. He's involved in art. Uff, that suddenly made him interesting beyond his tight trousers (which he doesn't fill very well anyway). He smiled a lot, said hi, and that must have been it. Taking as pretext that some of the lectures were as boring as hell, I indulged in letting my mind go to the places it shouldn't while I'm taking part in high-flying Academia. Anyhow, I ended up a bit, o rather, very confused and frankly a bit disoriented. For some time now I've incorporated the idea of no-fear-in-life in my personal ideological programme, but I kinda froze when the thought of approaching him came to mind. My insecurities came all to surface. I didn't do anything. It didn't go beyond a shy 'hello'. Ever since I have this metabolical thing which so negatively alters my looks I've been unable to say much to a few ppl I want. I'll get over, for real and for good, eventually.