Going for Refuge

I call myself a Buddhist, but what does that mean?

It means that I believe that there existed a historical figure called the Buddha. Because of the historical evidence, and based on intuition, I believe that Siddharta Gautama became enlightened and that he taught many disciples a way, a path out of suffering and leading to an ethical life. I believe that the Dharma is what he taught and is still being taught by Buddhist in the modern world. My faith is not based on reason, but on emotion, intuition and practice. In my very personal experience I find that finding reasons is actually a very irrational thing, so I just let this faith be, I choose it that way. Perhaps behind my being a Buddhist is that I honestly aspire to be a better person. I want my life to matter beyond the mundane.


Where, how do I practice?

The context of my practice is the world. For a bit over two thousand years it’s been known by Buddhists that, ideally, the best context to practice the Dharma has been the conditions provided by monasteries and the commitment of being a monk, however, I do not want to be a monk and I’ve chosen to live and make the most of the opportunities provided by the world. I practice within the context of my family, an entity I will be strongly connected to for life. I try to apply the principles of my practice in the workplace, with my friends and students, with everyone.

I have a regular meditation practice. There have been months when it disappears and there have days of pure bliss, and everything in between. After many years I have to say that meditating is a part of my life, just like many other things people do. I don’t consider myself a great meditator, if there exist such a thing, and I’m not very interested at all in learning novelties, new strategies, complicated skills, awkward positions and just plain avant-garde meditations. Not at all. I rejoice in the practitioners who engage in such deeds, but my approach is if it’s not broken do not fix it, and I’m happy with my meditation as it is right now. As a Buddhist I do not aim to become a great teacher or anything remotely close, I just aim to do the best I can under the conditions I live.


My life.

The world can be very painful and a tough place to live in, yet, I believe the world is a sea of opportunities, of awesome opportunities. I embrace life and want to make the most of it, I want to learn, I want to see, I want to experience it. I’m not the least afraid of the world because I have my practice to take refuge on. I love to work, to study, to meet people, to go see places, to relax and enjoy. Life is too short, there’s a lot of negative stuff which happens in and out of oneself, even so, I choose to enjoy life in the world, and in my personal world.


Me and the WBO.

I do believe I go for refuge because:

My practice is my protection from the madness in the world; the hatred, animosity and bitterness of every day live, of the power structures ruling the Earth. My country is a land corrupted to the bone, a place of almost animal survival; a country born out of rape, violence and the most extremes forms of oppression. Off that I wish to escape. I take refuge in the precepts which I believe lead to a more ethical, more fulfilling life, I take refuge in my meditation practice, which hopefully makes my mind a little bit more aware of it all, including myself. I take refuge in the general Dharma teachings, which I also believe make me a bit happier.

When I succeed in being coherent with the precepts I chose freely to believe and practice, I feel a bit better, freer, happier, fulfilled and relieved. When not, well, sometimes I’m not being mindful about it, and when I am, well, quite the opposite of all the above. I just try to remember to have patience with myself and vow to act more accordingly next time. Many times I achieve it, many times not.

As for the Sangha, I do honestly believe I can take refuge on it. It just takes a lot of imagination. I think of Nandavajra, whose friendship and love have been the most pivotal aspects of my involvement with the FWBO. I think of the potential in the people practicing in Mexico, and of course the broader movement.


Sangharakshita.

I admire his generosity of sharing the Dharma with us. I have a very positive connection to him and thank him for the teachings. I’ve read many books on Buddhism, but it is his understanding of the Dharma what I’ve tried to put into practice. I see him also as a man and as human being who deals with the many passions that come with being one.


Me and the Order Members, Chapters, etc.

Many times I come across as too assertive, perhaps cocky, very critical, and down right mean. Half of it is that I’m all of the above, but I wonder how often people focus on that and not when I’m enchanting, adorable, sympathetic and very nice, things which are also true. Other times I express my views and some think I’m reflective and some others think I’m arrogant. I’ve said many times that I want to go out and conquer the world: for many it sounds like an affirmation of my willingness to live my life and make the most out of it, some others think it’s wrong and that only mean titans say those things. Sometimes people resonate strongly with my practice, sometimes other people express their own personal complexes and call me names. My point here is that no one is one-dimensional, and with me it’s quite obvious.

I appreciate greatly the Sangha jewel, but in my personal experience in Mexico, it’s a jewel which will require quite a bit of work in general terms. I love the ideals behind the Sangha, but it’s certainly the one aspect that needs a lot more dedication by all. In general terms, I think of all Order Members and I rejoice in their GFR and their practice, in the peculiar situation in Mexico, what I do is offer my friendship to whoever’s willing to take it. This very year I’ve developed a very nice and ever-growing friendship with Virasiddhi, I’ve been friends with Vimuktin for quite some time, I’m in good terms with Kavindu and Upeksamati, and have yet to really meet the Dharmacarinis. Other good friends in the Sangha include Paulo and Mario. Overseas, I’ve enjoyed a great friendship with one of my KMs, Nandavajra; Samamati is my other KM and I appreciate him greatly. I’ve recently reconnected with Saddhayu, and of course, I’m friends with Moksananda. I’m totally open to whoever else in the movement and Order wants to become friends with me.


But then, why do I want to be ordained?

1) Pragmatically speaking, I’ve invested a lot of time and effort in it. I don’t know any other Buddhist school, and I’m not interested at all in going to one different from the WBO. Even with its many short-comings, I think the WBO is a most valuable effort to put the Dharma into practice.
2) I do believe that being an Order member will be the most helpful thing to help me solidify and deepen my practice, and it may be beneficial to have me there, there’s so much I could offer, we just have to figure out what.
3) Like I’ve expressed before, I feel a very strong connection to my friends who are already Order members, especially Dharmacari Nandavajra. Perhaps our bond could become stronger once I can relate to them as fellow Dharmacaris.
4) I do feel empathy and a sense of common practice with the Order members.
5) It would be an expression of all of what I’ve manifested in the present text.


Am I willing to join a chapter?

Sure, if I’m invited to one. If I’m not invited then I can’t join any, right?

What will be my contribution to the Order?

Who knows. I can’t tell the future and I hardly ever plan anything more than three months in advance, and honestly I do not want to leave a document stating that I will do this and that when I may end up doing something else. Like I’ve said in many contexts, I feel very strongly about friendship, and one of the things I can contribute twillingly and joyfully is with my friendship. I’m sure many could benefit from it. I have to say that experience has taught me to better downgrade any grand pretensions to a minimum and just focus on the basics.