Weekend Partying

I've been partying two-fold this last couple of days, and very differently. Just last night we went to this very posh sushi bar I love going to, we spent quite a bit of money and then some more. No matter how lovely the company was, I kept feeling there was something lacking. It lacked actual excitement, I have to admit I actually lacked the will to party there. The food was delicious and the service was beyond splendid, however, I kept feeling a bit, or rather a lot of anxiety as we were there. Then I had to wake up, a bit unwillingly, early to go and do my Catalan class. Four hours of class, tiresome I should say. I come home and we have yet another party, one which is actually a bit sad to me. A kids' party. My nephew's birthday is being celebrated here and there's lot of children everywhere. I became a bit aprehensive when I'm around children. I look at them and see so much joy and hope for the future, but then I look at the adults around them, and go like, shite, this is what they are going to become, and the beauty and innocence of childhood is gone and seems to be almost cruel. A very cruel deceit having known what's to come. I think I need a psychiatrist, I'm becoming to much of a bohemian and a loner and everything in between. I spend my day, my whole day basically working my ass off that there's very little room around for other things. Then I look at the seniors at the party. There's fewer of them every year. And that's precisely my direction, my generation's direction. To become few. And there's nothing one can do but fight it to out to make the most out of life.